Disclaimer: First off... to any of you who might have found my diary, and now know what town I live in, and some of my common friends, please don't share this diary with anyone. This is my private place to vent my frustrations. If you want to read it... that's fine.. but don't go passing it around is what I mean. I don't go searching for your dirty laundry to publish throughout the world. Leave me a comment, talk to me, whatever floats your boat... but don't go home and tell people from my area... "Hey... Guess what I found!!" Please... Thank You.
2006-10-21 - 12:45 a.m.
(sigh)
Well this is another update on my life... and also a record of some texts that I need to delete out of my phone. 6:52 pm 10-16-06
You are heaven sent.. I am so lucky you even talk to me... Am almost home now, will be thinking of you... You are so awesome. 6:22 pm 10-17-06
Hey Jess, I am so sorry... I will call you as soon as I drop Adam off... Please don't worry baby.. I love you.. 6:34 pm 10-17-06
Jessica, tomorrow night will be Adam and I's last, for awhile... We'll have to keep trying. I miss you so much.. Please don't be afraid.. We will be together.. And it will be wonderful... 6:41 pm 10-17-06
Hey.. You really love me huh... Well tell me one more time... 6:58 pm 10-17-06
As we've progressed, I have become so sure of how I feel.. Before I was scared to say what I felt, for fear of being wrong and hurting you.. BUT I KNOW NOW! YOU ARE THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS! I was doubting this even existed.. AND NOW I ALMOST HAVE IT! IT'S WONDERFUL! AND IT HAS ONLY BEGAN.. 8:58 pm 10-17-06
No, I was not drunk.. Just high on love.. Now I've had a little help from Dr. Crown.. Went and ate with Adam, had a few, and told (her) to take care of the bill, since she's bartender.. Made some waves.. I'll see if I can make something of it.. Am running out of patience, I want to experience "US" now... 9:44 pm 10-17-06
That hits me hard Jessica.. Makes me feel like I need to show you.. You deserve it.. Like I should come and hold the one I really love.. 9:59 pm 10-17-06
You are being you.. And I not only respect it, I adore it.. And I was being serious before as well.. These last two texts... I realized later that he had sent them when he was already almost here in my town. He broke up with her... and drove up here to be with me. He decided that he was done messing around with it anymore... He did what he has been saying he would do, and he left her. He came here, we spent the night together and all of the next day. We headed back to Oakley and spent the evening hunting with Adam. That night... we were laying in bed. I was almost asleep. The street light in front of my house pours in light, and he loves to lay there and watch me, and play with my hair, and tender-tickle me. Well.. we were laying there... and know this.. He has told me that he loves me... via text message, but he hadn't told me in person yet. He told me by texting one night when he was drunk, and told me later that he felt bad that it came out that way. Well.. I'm laying there on my side away from him, and I'm almost asleep... He whispered my name and I turned and said Hmmm... and he told me that he loves me. I know that the 'specialness' of it isn't coming across well when I'm sitting here typing it out... but you have to know that it was the most romantic, beautiful, I almost cried, moment of my whole entire life. I'm scared... that I'm falling for him too easily... but yet... he is literally EVERYTHING I've ever dreamed about. I am in love with him. I'm in love that I never knew existed. I loved Jordan, and Ricky... but this is different. This is more real... more realistic. And it is returned. He adores me, just as much as I do him. My heart is calm. Yet racing five hundred miles a minute. Does that make any sense? On the 18th, we spent all day together here in my town. Then we headed back to Oakley, and spent the evening hunting with Adam. Adam... got a decent buck with a bow. (it's bow season) He dropped the deer with the first shot. It didn't die right away... it laid there and struggled. Hunter ended up cutting it's throat to put it out of it's misery. We then loaded it up in the Tahoe and took it to town. We (well I watched) skinned it and cleaned the meat off of it. I sat there and watched them do all of that... and I didn't get queasy... I didn't even feel like gagging. THAT right there... tells me something. I am comfortable in my life... and I am doing sooo much better. The stress level is lower, because I am calm. Some more text messages... I had been bitching about having to work for nine days in a row and this is what I got in return... 6:45 pm 10-19-06
Does the fact that all I can think about is your beautiful little face squinting at the stray droplets of water in the shower help... The fact that you are more wonderful than anything my imagination has ever contrived... Does that help baby... 8:43 pm 10-19-06
That's so strange.. That really was this morning.. I feel the same way.. To find someone that makes me feel the way you do is the most amazing experience.. To have you feel the same way, is phenomenal.. Best that that has ever happened to me.. I am head over heels in love with this man... I couldn't help it. It's probably not the best timing... but life is funny that way. I have to be honest and say that I am still scared of getting hurt. But the amazing thing is... that I am also talking to him about this too. I am talking to him about all of my thoughts... all of my fears, and all of my dreams. And it is still wonderful. There is no holding back. This is... what my heart has been looking for all these years. Take care all... I am wonderful. 0 Gimme your thoughts!
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